At Home with Bobby updated May 2,2012

 Up Dated     May 2,2012

“At home with Bobby” is a conversation between Michele Schuchman alk/ Grandma Michele  and her son Bobby age 44-.

Explaining why Michele Schuchman calls herself Grandma Michele the story teller and listener.

The story takes place at their home in Damascus P.A –—year 2011——————-

 

Bobby’s mother had his dinner ready when Bobby came home from a hard day of work at a construction site.  They sat and ate together.  Bobby started talking, he asked, “Mom, why do you call yourself Grandma Michele?  You have no biological grandchildren.”

    His mother answered, “I have a very special gift called ‘Love’.  I taught it to you when you were a child.  My mother taught it to me when I was a child and her mother & father taught it to her when she was a child . The same love was also taught to my father when he was a child in Germany by his parents and grandparents.

My father’s  ”Love ”  got twisted up in Germany with the Hitler youth camp.  My father at the age of 11 joined the youth camp to have fun with the powerful selective children living in Berlin. My father enjoyed the control they had until they found out he was a Jew. That traumatic experience of abuse from the Hitler youth boys  and a molestation from an adult female  distorted my father’s mind.”

“These facts  I read from my Father’s W.W.2 medical discharge papers from the U.S. army.”

Bobby said ” Mom,how did you let go the anger that was causing you tremendous pain. ?”

His mother answered ” The thought process of writing my journals  took me to a place inside my soul to understand I made excuses to be justified for all my poor choices I made in my life time . It was easier to be the child victim and not take responsibility as an adult. It was a power play I made to control situations that I had no control over.  The only one in this world I have the right to control is myself. Every one else is in control of there own destiny. The word “Love ” for myself  became my healing medicine to cleanse all the old wounds in my heart.”

When you realize there are levels of wisdom and every one learns their own comfortable way if they enjoy ease. Bobby, I have watched the cyclone ride you picked to learn your way. I felt the pain on your ride . I got off  by letting go what I have no right to change and just changed my self with “unconditional Love”

 Bobby’s mother continued ” My Love has a higher level of vibration that gives me my power to break the cycle of abuse.”

“You are my son that has the same inner strength of love  everywhere you go.”

Bobby said, “I know that, but that still does not explain why the ‘Grandma Michele’.  I have no children and I am your only child.

Bobby’s mother continued to explain, “Love makes the world go around.  As long as I can give love, I will receive love.  My world continues to go around successfully.  There are many children young and old that need a good grandmother just to tell a story  and to listen to them because they feel neglected.

Bobby said, “They have their families for their love.”

Bobby’s mother said, “Some do and some don’t because their parents are working many jobs to survive.  You know some very rich families that are too busy making money for more stuff or power to fill their voids.  They forgot to give their most precious gift, their time, to their children who then feel abandon.  You blamed me for abandoning you.  That was your perception as a six-month-old child crying, when I left you in the arms of a stranger so I could go to work.  My choices at that time were because I wanted to pay my own way.  I knew I was going to get a divorce from your father.  He was a good man that went to work and provided all the necessities we needed.  My mind was in chaos because of abuses I could not control as a child.

Bobby asked, “Why did you marry my father when you were seventeen and still in high school?”

Bobby’s mother said, “I loved him and his family more than I loved myself.  In my mind, I was an angel and had to save him from being drafted and dying in Vietnam.  At that time, to be exempted from serving, you needed to be married and have a child.  After you were born your father and his family saw I had severe problems.  I had gained eighty five pounds during pregnancy because I was filling a void.  They offered counseling for me, but I refused it.  It was a poor choice to abandon your father that made him very angry with me.  You suffered because of his angry with the lack of financial support for us.”

” I  became independent and powerful using every ounce of creative energy because of my love  for you my son.”

“At the time my mind twisted love for inappropriate behavior.  I had no boundaries for my safety.  I became two completely different personalities.  One was the extravert, acting like Shirley Temple, the other, Angel, was punishing me.  My brain became selective on what it would store to keep my sanity.”

Bobby said, “That was me, too, Mom, but I thought I was stupid because I could not learn like the other kids, so all I wanted to do was play.”

Bobby’s mom said, “You are just as smart as you believe you are.  You solved your issues with building empires then sabotaging them because you felt no self worth.  You are back on the road to success your way all by yourself. “ 

“I am in my golden years creating my success with my imagination.  There is one difference.  I see me from the inside out.  My outside became the old oak tree with strong roots keeping me grounded. My soul found wisdom in learning  to use my energy  for what matters to  my heart. That gives me daily happiness.”

  “Bobby, come with me to the lanai so we can talk like we did when you were a child.  Do you remember when you misbehaved as a child I would write a letter and make you read it?  That was the way I was trying to teach you without yelling at you.  I grew up in a household where my mother would let my father yell, scream and curse at her because of the lack of money.  My mother worked three jobs to provide for us.  My mother was an angel that only loved and swept the dirt under the rug.  She had more strength than most powerful Queens.  She gave me love and told me I was always special.  Like I told you through out your rocky life time.”

“There are great Queens & kings hidden behind eyes.  We  learn a lot from our parents.”

 ” I swore to myself that if I ever had a child I would never curse, I would provide enough money for a comfortable life just like my mother did for my brother and me.  You never knew the abuse I took from men to keep that promise to you.  I didn’t believe I was capable of using my mind, because I had low self-esteem.’

  “I married your stepfather, Barry when I was thirty-two, because I thought I was not capable of providing you the guidance you needed at eleven years old.  I loved him and knew he could provide love for you.  That was all that mattered to me at that time.  Barry provided financial security; he owned textile companies in New York City.  I owned four hair salons, a condo and a new car.  When my grandmother died, I came into an inheritance and gave it all to your stepfather Barry.  That was my Dowry, and all my power. I became the angel child being molded for a fairy tale life.

  

 “The wine bottle in my painting is your stepfather.  He loved that grape, pinot noir. The year, 1979, was when we got married.  Blood red wine that is pouring into his son and daughter’s glasses reflects their attitude of whether they are half full or half empty with love.  Bobby, you and I are the candles always burning with love.  The corkscrew is our inseparable love.  The cork is the way I used to be with my inner feelings.  I knew if I had been true to myself, your stepfather Barry would have divorced me a long time ago.  There was a tradeoff I was willing to live with for all the love I was given.  It was worth it  until I was ready to grow and take responsibility for my own well-being.’

 

 

“I created and destroyed my own dreams because I did not accept responsibility for my choices.  I painted these three pictures of grapes, cocktails and wine with a colorful abstract background   when I first retired in Arizona.  Your stepfather was surprised.  He thought he would hang my paintings in the garage to appease me.”

“Bobby, I painted this painting of you in the canoe, fishing somewhere over the rainbow. There on the side are the two horses we loved to ride.  Remember, Bobby?  You were afraid of horses when you were five.  I sent you to a horse camp and they taught you to ride.  You used to ride bareback in our backyard when we had horses.  You rode with your stepbrother and stepsister, one sat in front of you and the other in back as you rode around the property.  You were 16, your stepbrother was 14 and stepsister was 11 at the time.  The swing is still now, with a fawn under it.  Those are symbols of nature’s passage of time

.

    Bobby asked, “Mom, how did you learn to paint?  You never took professional lessons.”             

    Bobby’s mom said, “I always told you if you ever wanted to do something you would have to be passionate enough about it and devote your time to work at it.”

 They sat together as she read the book  she wrote” Grandma Michele the story teller story and listener” their dialog continued.

“Bobby, what do you think of the Book?  Did you like it?”

“Mom,  I love you!   That’s your life and what happened to you.  Bobby’s mother said, “You’re right, I healed myself by listening to my inner child and released my lifelong emotions through my fantasy story of Grandma Michele from planet Zatar.  It’s not for some children but it is for all children, parents and grandparents  that are going through similar stories.”

Bobby said, “Mom, we know when we look into each other’s eyes, whether we’re happy, sad, confused, cleared of our confusion or are back on track again.  The stories that I remember of our life, how we struggled and succeeded, those are the stories that need to be told.  I have met many women with children and see how they struggle.  Hearing your stories, may inspire them.”

 

 “I’m still learning, Life’s a Journey.” 

 

 

 

              Letting go of life’s painful emotions happened for me by emotional release therapy. This went from a life of self-sabotaging to a thriving, healthy, balanced life by having this dialog with my son, Bobby.